StMU Research Scholars

Featuring Scholarly Research, Writing, and Media at St. Mary's University
September 25, 2018

“He Gave His Life for Me. I Will Give My Life to Him:” A Look into the Faith of Columbine’s First Victim

On April 20, 1999, seventeen-year-old Rachel Joy Scott spent the first two classes of the day drawing in her journal; it would be for the last time. Just before she left to go to lunch, Scott showed her sketch to her acting teacher, Sue Caruthers. “Well…It’s not finished. But I was inspired to draw this,” she recalls Rachel saying.1 The drawing on the final page of Rachel’s journal showed her eyes crying thirteen clear tears before becoming darker droplets, watering a rose.2 Her drawing subsequently spread nationwide in the days and weeks after the Columbine shooting had confirmed thirteen victims. But this had not been Rachel Scott’s first such premonition. Rachel had a history of prophetic writings in the years before the Columbine tragedy–beginning when she first gave her life to Christ.

Rachel’s journey with God began on March 5, 1993 when she visited her aunt and uncle, and attended church with them in Shreveport, Louisiana. As the service continued with the crowd praying, dancing, and calling out “Amens” and “Hallelujahs,” twelve-year-old Rachel stood up from her seat and walked to the front of the church, praying. “There was no fuss or fanfare,” Rachel’s Aunt LaBrilla explains. “Rachel quietly walked down front and within moments had her hands raised and very sweetly started praying in the Spirit.”3 Rachel’s new mindset after bringing Christ into her life was further expressed in one of Rachel’s first poems about God: “As I was weeping and crying…I heard the Lord’s voice…He said there would be no more sins, no more lies, Only peace and happiness, In all of my cries.”4

As Rachel grew older, her passion for Christ evolved. She believed that simply knowing God was not the same as having a relationship with Him. So, Rachel set out to speak and live the word of the Lord day after day, no matter where she was. “I Am A Warrior For Christ,” she wrote.5 Rachel Scott also promoted the idea of committing random acts of kindness throughout her high school, believing it would cause a chain reaction of the same. She led by example and befriended those who were alone or withdrawn from the crowd, and began making journals with her small group of friends in order to provide a safe space for ideas and feelings to roam freely without fear of judgement.6

Rachel Joy Scott | Courtesy of Flickr Images

Although Rachel’s faith shimmered throughout her school, her path with Christ was not always smooth. As she attempted to fully accept God into her life, Rachel dealt with her own demons as her parents’ divorce took a toll on her. “I am so pathetic,” Rachel writes in a journal she shared with a friend. “I think that everything is all good, but…I’m just telling myself that so that maybe someday I will truly believe it.”7 She also found herself longing to be a part of a clique at school, so badly in fact, that Rachel began smoking–something she alluded to briefly in one of her journals: “The traces of smoke the cigarette leaves, is a soft string of silk.”8 Despite her efforts, Rachel could never settle into a group of friends that fulfilled her desired level of popularity, and she felt her lack of popularity was due to the lack of her outer beauty. She became envious of other girls in her school for having the looks and friends she desperately wanted.9

This pain and isolation Rachel felt proved also to affect her relationship with God. “Why do I feel dry in your spirit?” she questioned. “Why do I have to feel moments of doubt, distrust, disbelief, stages of anger, [and] stages of loneliness when it comes to you, Father? Each day, I play the question, ‘Do you exist…'”10

As Rachel experienced this inner turmoil, she felt now, more than ever that she must give her faith back to the Lord. Her questions became prayers, and instead of blaming God, Rachel thanked Him and apologized for ever doubting His master plan. “Dear God,” she begins, “I ask for your help in this household. I ask you replace the hate, with your love.”11 “Father, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. You know what you’re doing and you know what’s best for me.” Rachel also made a vow to God, one that would shape the rest of her life–“[From] now on, I put all faith and trust in you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”12

While Rachel continued to regain the faith she needed to better her life, she noticed that the “friends” she once had no longer wanted to associate with the “Jesus Freak.” In a journal to Sam–a friend of Rachel’s–Rachel states, “I [have] lost all of my friends at school. Now that I have begun to walk my talk, they make fun of me.” Despite the similar loneliness Rachel felt for the second time while in high school, her attitude towards this new wave of  distress was handled differently, now that she had the Lord on her side. Rachel continues with:

But you know what…it’s all worth it to me. I am not going to apologize for speaking the Name of Jesus…I am not going to hide the light that God put in me. If I have to sacrifice everything…I will. I will take it.13

The excerpt above was written by Rachel on April 20, 1998–exactly one year before the Columbine Massacre. Rachel Joy Scott, one year before her death, was willing to “sacrifice everything” for her Lord. Whether it was pure coincidence or not, Rachel’s next journal on May 2 of 1998 showcased Rachel’s prophecy of the life God planned for her. Rachel’s May 2 journal entry began with a three sentence introduction that would shock, not only her family, but everyone who heard her story after the Columbine Massacre:

This will be my last year Lord. I have gotten what I can. Thank you.14

Rachel continues these prophetic writings in a poem written just weeks before her death:

It isn’t suicide. I consider it homicide. The world you [God] have created has led to my death.15

Columbine Memorial Garden | Rachel Scott | Courtesy of Flickr Images

Friends and family of Rachel Scott had no idea she wrote these journals until after her death. However, Rachel did not keep it secret that her life would be cut short. “She was so, so blunt. She’d say ‘I’m going to die young’… or ‘I am not gonna make it that far’,” Rachel’s friend, Nick recalled. “We’d get upset with her…a lot of people would say ‘Stop saying that…It’s a downer’ and that was her thing. She would say ‘It’s not a downer…I don’t have a problem with it.'”16

Photo: Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold | Courtesy of Flickr’s The Commons

On April 20, 1999, the first shots rang out at Columbine High School as Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold open fired on Rachel Scott and Richard Castaldo, who were having lunch outside. Two bullets tore through Castaldo’s spine, permanently paralyzing him, while three bullets hit Rachel in the chest, arm, and thigh.17 Both laid weak and wounded on the ground, but they were still alive. Castaldo recalls hearing noises he could not particularly make out, but did hear Rachel softly crying.18

Despite the highly publicized story of Rachel’s martyrdom as she said “Yes” or “You know I do” to the killers’ question “Do you still believe in God?,” Richard Castaldo and his mother, Connie Michalik have changed this story multiple times. In an interview in the Spring of 2000, Castaldo’s mother confirmed that Richard had no memory of Rachel’s answer to her killers’ taunts before hearing the final gunshot. However, on June 26, 2001, Michalik announced that Richard had heard Scott say “Yes” in response to the gunmen’s questions. Furthermore, Richard Castaldo has openly expressed frustration about his incapability to recall what happened before Rachel’s death. On the first anniversary of the Columbine massacre, Castaldo stated, “People tell me I said she said she believed in God, and I can’t remember it.”19

Regardless which narrative of Rachel’s final moments actually took place, the end of Rachel’s life does not discredit the daily steps she took to show her love and passion for God. Through her parent’s divorce, the bullying she encountered at school, and the temptation to continue smoking, Rachel sought God and followed him to the very end.

  1.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 8:15-9:03.
  2. Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, Rachel’s Tears: The Spiritual Journey of Columbine Martyr Rachel Scott (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2000), 176.
  3.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 3-4.
  4.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 24-25.
  5. Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 59.
  6.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 3:45-4:06.
  7.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 13.
  8. Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 64.
  9.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 28-29.
  10.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 80, 65.
  11.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 18.
  12.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 80.
  13.  Beth Nimmo and Debra Klingsporn, The Journals of Rachel Joy Scott: A Journey of Faith at Columbine High (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2001), 54-55.
  14.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 6:24-6:36.
  15.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 6:52-7:10.
  16.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 6:36-6:51.
  17.  Life Focus, “Rachel Scott Life Focus Documentary,” February 15 2016, YouTube video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M6MSM9o5Y4, 12:25-12:35.
  18. Justin Watson, The Martyrs of Columbine Faith and the Politics of Tragedy (New York, NY: Palgrave Macmillan, 2002), 129.
  19.  Justin Watson, The Martyrs of Columbine Faith and the Politics of Tragedy, (New York, NY: Palgrave Macmillan, 2002), 133-135.

Ysenia Rodriguez

Author Portfolio Page

Recent Comments

95 comments

  • Avery Looney

    I am very familiar with the story of Rachel’s because at my high school we participated in “Rachel’s Challenge.” Rachel’s Challenge was mainly about being nice to others, but my school never talked about the things she struggled with. I never knew that she struggled with her parents divorce, fitting in, and her self-image. I also never knew about her drawing with the thirteen tears and her predictions about her death. Overall this article describes Rachel’s life and memory very well and is very captivating.

  • Enrique Segovia

    Rachel’s story is really inspiring, and I think that it was sort of a calling, in a way, for all followers of Christianism to follow her footsteps. She was devoted to serve God at all costs, and her relationship with Him is exemplary -which I think all believers should try to have. Also, I found it really mind-shocking that the art she did, including the hand and the thirteen teardrops, matched the number of victims in the Columbine Massacre. I appreciate how the author took such a catastrophic and sickening event and gave it a religious spin by telling the story from a different point of view, such as Rachel’s perspective.

  • Gabriela Ochoa

    I have never heard of Rachel and her story until know, it was a never intriguing story. A girl who was a prophet of God and knew exactly how and when she would die. Being bullied because she Believed in God is still something that gets done at a lot of schools in America and I think if more people heard her story it might stop or slow down. I don’t know much of the Columbine shooting but to read that her and some other students didn’t shy away from the beliefs when asked if they still believed in God is inspiring because she believed so much in him.

  • Brianna Ford

    Wow this has been one of my favorite articles I have read on this website. I loved that you wrote this article in Rachel’s point of view and really pin pointed her relationship and love God. It is amazing how strong her faith was with God and her writings are just mind blowing. God works in mysterious ways. Rachel did not care what people though of her when she would say certain things and I respect her so much for that. May she rest in peace for she is now at home at peace and harmony.

  • Rylie Kieny

    I like how you made the article about one specific victim. It was nice that you didn’t let the tragic ending to Rachels life define her life as a whole. I think it is awesome that Rachels was still such a soldier for God despite losing friends and feeling so alone. I know that many peoples faith waivers for this reason but Rachel remained strong. I also think it is very interesting how she in some ways told the future. I think whether the account of Rachels final words was accurate or not I think it is safe to say she held onto her faith until the very end.

  • Reagan Meuret

    This article is incredible, and over a topic I would have never thought about! I had no idea that the first Columbine victim was actually a very interesting story. It is such a tragedy that she died, but it is also crazy to think of the things that she wrote in her journal. It is very cool that I got to run across this story for I would have never thought the story of the first Columbine victim would be so interesting.

  • Pamela Callahan

    This was a great article! Rachel’s faith and connection with God was truly inspirational. I’d never heard Rachel’s full story, but after hearing it, I can tell how strong her relationship with God was. I think it’s crazy that her journal was so accurate in the foretelling of the future and her fate. While I wish people never had to endure the suffering and the bullying that Rachel went through, I think that stories like this show the world where we can improve and they help us to grow as a society.

  • Luisa Ortiz

    I was a freshman in high school when I first heard this Scoot’s story, I remember it was an assembly for all al freshmen and I remember we were all crying, we sign a banner saying that we won’t bully or something like that. what I remember the most is the picture with the thirteen teardrops and her hands. This for sure is a sad story, but with a powerful message, I’m glad you decide to tell the story.

  • Maxx Arizmendi

    The Columbine school shooting was such a horrible event. I found it interesting that Rachel Scott was very serious about her faith with God. It was sad that she died as a martyr, since there is an argument as to whether or not she is one. Also, those premonitions such as the artwork she made with her hand prints is interesting because she has inspired many to be faithful toward God. I enjoyed reading this article.

  • Christopher Vasquez

    Rachel’s perspective on this horrible day was very moving. Her desire to remain with God, even when she knew thought that life was not fair, is admirable. Her life was one of dedication to God. It’s unfortunate that she was bullied for something she believed in. Life isn’t fair; it’s not fair that Rachel died when she was so good to God. Her prophetic writings make me wonder that if she knew her time was short, did she know when the tragedy was going to occur? If she did, why did she decide to stay? This article moved me deeply, especially when the description of Rachel being shot was told — that was saddening. I wish that this event never happened, and I wish that Rachel was able to continue loving God on this earth.

Leave your comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.